Neighborhood Watch
by SSBB.Swords
Summary: Just because they lived together did not mean they were doing the dirty behind closed doors. The inhabitants of this town needed to get their heads out of the gutter. [One-shot, Modern SSBB AU] -Yaoi, slash: Ike/Marth-


_**Author's Notes: **__I get sick every time I get a break from school; it's the craziest phenomenon. To make myself feel better, I've been reading old IkeMarth favorites, notably those of AstroTurtle, Fhal, and PalindromeIsntOne. I hope those lovely ladies are doing okay and I miss them._

_Have yourselves some happy holidays, stay out of areas with avalanche warnings (1), and I'll see you all next year! Heck, while I'm making this public service announcement, I may as well remind you to take care if you are shaving (2) and be wary of strangers who come bearing free eggs and flowers (3)._

_**Warnings:**__ Yaoi, slash, shounen-ai, etc. Here is a gift of crack. Good stuff. Columbian. Top of the line. Oops, I'm sorry, I just spilled it all over your dignified clothes (4). And no, that wasn't an attempted pickup line (5). Guaranteed canonical mistakes because I AU'd the fuck out of this, therefore no fiancées and sisters are included (6). Esto est_á_ mal (7) and therefore you have been warned. Un-beta'd._

_**Pairing(s)**__: Ike/Marth and anything else you want if you squint hard enough._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own Super Smash Brothers, which is a good thing, because when Futago no Seishi's Ike falls off the stage and runs out of stock, my Marth will Romeo-and-Juliet that shit so fast. Don't worry. No characters, glass, or ceramics were thrown out windows (8) in the making of this fanfiction._

_**Summary:**__ Just because they lived together did not mean they were doing the dirty behind closed doors. The inhabitants of this town needed to get their heads out of the gutter. [One-shot, Modern SSBB AU] -Yaoi, slash: Ike/Marth-_

* * *

Neighborhood Watch

By SSBBSwords

* * *

Marth liked to frequent the little produce shop that was around the corner by his apartment. The large commercial supermarket a few blocks away could not rival the quality of fruit here.

Never mind the fact that bananas were a bit hard to come by (much less purchase) at this shop.

Never mind the fact that the nephew of the store owner was small enough to climb up to Marth's shoulder to hand him his plastic bag of fruit. Sure, Marth may have had to sway a bit to balance the extra weight, but nothing he couldn't handle.

"Thank you, Diddy," Marth said politely to the baseball cap-wearing chimpanzee (or monkey? He had never quite figured it out) while exchanging currency with the gorilla, Donkey Kong. "Fashionable tie as usual, DK," he complimented.

The large shop owner grinned and straightened the garishly neon piece of cloth covered in banana print. To Marth's surprise, Donkey Kong then glanced down at the amount of money passed between them with a frown.

A good chunk of money was thrust back at Marth. Donkey Kong gruffly explained, "Your partner was here earlier. Picked up that gift-box of pears."

"Oh." Marth blinked back stupidly, needing a tad more time to process that statement in the way anyone would when someone called his roommate something other than 'roommate.'Actually, semantics could be argued that Ike wasn't even his roommate. They shared a two-bedroom apartment, but they certainly didn't share a bed_room_. "I see. Great."

He also wasn't going to start correcting a primate's usage of the English language. Donkey Kong probably meant 'partner' like partners in a company. Right.

Diddy Kong was still sitting across his shoulders like a grade-school child on a parent. "Marth, how does coitus occur between two humans if both are male?"

_Uh, what?_ Marth almost dropped the produce.

"And is it still called coitus then?"

With a roar of reasonable parental outrage, Donkey Kong reached out with one meaty hand to yank his nephew off Marth. The little one was flung unceremoniously out the back door.

The shock wasn't entirely wearing off, but Marth managed, "U-uh, DK, will… will he be all right?"

"Yeah," the gorilla muttered, looking about as embarrassed for his protégé's terribly inappropriate questions to a loyal customer as a primate could get. "Ignore Diddy. Kids and porn these days."

And because Marth was not about to ask what in the world young chimpanzees nowadays were watching, he bid the store owner good day and hoped he didn't leave looking _too _traumatized.

* * *

Ike was pulling out his set of keys when a soccer ball bounced against his calf. The pair of best friends from next door charged across the street in pursuit, and Ike nearly dropped his bag on his own foot in alarm.

"Geez, you guys!" He trapped the ball beneath his sneaker as the two children met him in front of the apartment. "Uh, cars?"

"No, it's soccer," the blond boy pointed out, gesturing to the black-and-white inflated sphere beneath Ike's foot.

"Yeah," the brunet chimed in with hands on hips—the perfect picture of childish indignation—before cheerfully asking, "You want to play too?"

Using one foot, Ike rolled the ball toward himself and popped it up so that he could catch it in his free hand. Lucas and Ness stared at his minor trick in awe.

"I meant that you two should have looked both ways before crossing the street," Ike clarified, balancing the ball between hip and wrist. "You could have been run over!"

"Nu-uh!" Lucas countered, emphatically shaking his head. "We're _invincible._"

Ike raised an eyebrow at the immature comeback, which was more adorable than offensive. Ness interpreted this expression as trouble and stepped in front of his friend in defense. "It's a small street!"

With a sigh, Ike knelt down before them. "You're small too. Drivers might not see you." He was probably preaching to the choir. The street they lived on had very little traffic, but that didn't make his advice unwarranted.

Ness tilted his head to one side like an inquiring puppy. "Your girlfriend said that too."

_Huh?_ Ike's expression morphed into one similar to the little boy's.

"Yeah!" Lucas piped up suddenly, hands laced behind him as he rocked back and forth on his heels. "She's real pretty."

"Uh… thanks?" Ike felt as lost as a smartphone-dependent teenager without GPS looking for a restaurant in a neighboring city. "You should listen to her?"

"Ness would!" the blond crowed abruptly, shoving his best friend in jest.

"I would _not_," the brunet boy immediately argued back with the ferocity of defending one's honor. "Would NOT," Ness repeated, blushing.

"She wouldn't kiss you," Lucas retorted as he blew Ness a raspberry. "She has to kiss _him._"

Ike wasn't sure if he should be insulted by the blond's grimace. "Time out, guys—"

"Hey, mister," Ness interrupted, any lingering mortification quickly converting into exasperation. "Are you going to give us back our ball?"

* * *

"Hey, you okay?"

Marth caught the bartender's concerned look and ran a frustrated hand through his unusually mussed hair. "Yes." He paused to consider this answer, found it untrue, and amended his statement. "No. Maybe. Mostly?"

Amused, the older man leaned his elbows against the counter once he finished wiping a glass mug dry. "Tell me."

Marth glanced around the bar to gauge the density of patrons and if any were within earshot. Deeming the level of privacy satisfactory, he still unnecessarily lowered his voice. "Captain, I got the strangest question the other day."

"Always a good start," the thirty-some year old bartender encouraged with a devilish grin. "Do I get to guess like in Jeopardy?"

"If… if you'd like," Marth replied, playing along with his favorite server, "but you only get three tries." He had to administer some rules or else he would have a never-ending game on his hands.

"Did you just fall from heaven?" Apparently the Captain wasted no time getting started.

Stifling a laugh, Marth shook his head. "No."

"Would you go out with me?"

Marth couldn't help but smile. He could see where _this _man's thoughts were. "No."

"Can we fu—?"

"—_AND_ **no**," Marth finished hurriedly with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Damn." The Captain snapped his fingers disappointedly. "Can I still start guessing though?"

Trembling from laughter that turned soundless a few seconds in, Marth had to take a minute or two just to catch his breath again. "_Cap_, please! Seriously…"

"Oh, all right." The bartender shrugged it off easily. "So tell me."

"Diddy asked me about _coitus._"

The expression that crossed the good Captain's face was uncharacteristically confused. "DK's kid?"

"Nephew," Marth corrected automatically, before throwing up his hands in the universal sign for _I-give-up_. "But the question is _why?_"

"Kid's been watching too much National Geographic," suggested the bartender.

"Maybe it's the Discovery Channel?" The younger man tossed that option out as well, and both of them shrugged helplessly. "It gets stranger."

"Better, you mean," the Captain rephrased with a grin.

Ignoring the interjection, Marth continued with a flawlessly deadpan delivery, "Does the term _coitus_ apply to male-on-male sex?"

Shocked beyond speech, the older man's mouth had fallen open. Closing it in order to re-attempt speech, the bartender ended up miming some spastic gesticulations that Marth could not follow. Finally: "_What?!"_

"I _know._" Marth was still thrown, even though he himself had done the storytelling. "And why ask _me_?"

Strangely enough, the Captain switched from completely taken-aback to incredulous. "Wait… wouldn't you _know_?"

* * *

One day when Ike was passing by the ice cream parlor, Popo and Nana ran outside to meet him. The bell rung weakly as the door swung open and close behind the children.

"Hi!" the boy in purple and the girl in pink chirped together.

"Hey, you two." Ike squatted so they could more conveniently exchange a hug. Lifting them both up, one per arm, he swung them around in a circle before setting them back down. "Whew, you two are getting heavy. Too much candy."

"No-o-o-o-o!" the twins chorused in return.

"O-o-o-or," Ike drew out the syllables to perfectly match the children's warble, "it can be those gigantic hammers." Kids had the weirdest toys these days.

Giggling to each other as siblings were prone to do, Popo and Nana bounced from one foot to another, which really just confirmed to Ike that they may be on a sugar high. Popo asked, "Wan'na come in an' say hi?"

Shrugging in acquiescence, Ike followed the children into the shop and spotted the said parental influence (it was hard to be sure some days) moving jerkily near the antiquated video games in the corner. It may or may not have been cleaning the old machines, but Ike wouldn't bet anything on his hypothesis.

"Hey, Mr. GW," Ike greeted, holding up a hand in a very informal wave.

The two-dimensional figure beeped in return with what resembled a bell. Ike always assumed that was the equivalent of a salutation.

"Where's Marf?" Nana asked innocently. Ike would have corrected her if he wasn't so busy wondering if the twins would grow up pronouncing words differently than the majority of the town because they lived with… well, Mr. Game & Watch, who currently was flipping bacon out of a frying pan. _What._

"Ah…" Ike was stalling; he wasn't sure what the little girl was getting at. Then again, he was probably just paranoid, so he answered, "He's at home." Probably? He didn't actually know.

"How come he's not wif you?" Popo asked, draping himself over his sister.

"Erm, should he be?" Maybe he should start worrying about this town's water supply or something. Why were all the kids so enamored with his roommate?

"Yes!" the twins exclaimed in unison. If that synchrony wasn't already enough to unnerve him, Mr. Game & Watch wobbled (danced?) over and began flashing a sequence of sixes and nines.

"Uh…" Ike gnawed a bit on his bottom lip. That couldn't mean what he thought it did, did it? "Sir, I don't think today is June 9th."

* * *

"_So…_" Roy trailed off, tapping a finger against his cheek. His pixelated form on the computer decided to blow a small bubble out of chewing gum before he chomped down on it.

"So?" Marth replied, eyebrow quirked at his best friend's absentminded actions, which now involved spinning in his chair. Roy on webcam was almost as wired as Roy in person.

"_So when are you going to tell me about your boyfriend?"_ The redhead's face got comically large as he leaned toward the computer's camera.

Had Marth not been seated so firmly on his chair, he would have toppled right over the edge. Instead, he had to settle for placing his hand flat across his face in a display of frustration. "Where did you hear _that_?"

"_Oh, my god, it's bad enough to face-palm?_" Roy exclaimed from the speakers. "_Details, please!"_

"I am not dating anyone!" Marth's eyes darted over to his closed bedroom door. Good. Safe.

"_What? I thought—"_

"Also!" Marth interrupted with an accusing glare. "_Where_ did you hear this? You moved out of the country!"

Scoffing, Roy replied nonchalantly while flicking his bangs out of his eyes, _"Hah, you underestimate me, bestie. I have a very trustworthy spy."_

"I will tell Samus that pigeons didn't make off with her underwear."

"_I WAS FALLING,"_ the redhead yelled through the screen. _"Okay, okay! It was Pit!"_

"Pit?" Marth stood up, chair sliding back easily across the carpet. "_Pit_? How did you even _meet_ him?"

"_You'd just blackmail me some more_." Roy scowled, arms crossed.

A flutter of movement from outside his window caught his eye, and Marth glanced sideways. "Oh, speak of the devil…"

"_Actually, I'm _pretty _sure he's an angel…"_

Ignoring the mumbling coming out of his computer for the moment, Marth pushed open the glass door and stepped out onto the balcony ledge. "Pit?" he called, catching the other's attention.

"Hello, Marth," the petite brunet smiled brightly at his downstairs neighbor before descending so to grab the railing and brace his feet against the edge of the balcony floor.

Although Marth could never get tired of watching the angel fly (seriously, living in this town was really eye-opening), that was for another time and place. Steeling his features and hoping he was not coming off as impolite, Marth asked, "Pit, did you tell Roy I was… seeing someone?"

"I'm sorry." Pit shook out his wings as he stretched precariously outside the safety features of the balcony. "Was it a secret? I didn't mean—"

"No, no, it's not that." Marth gestured helplessly as if trying to ward off the idea itself. "But, I'm _not._"

"You aren't a secret?" Pit's congenial smile took on a tint of uncertainty. Confusion crossed his normally untroubled face.

"No, dating."

"You're _not?_"

From within the recesses of his room, Marth heard his computer speakers bellow, _"HE'S LYING."_

* * *

It was always a little funny watching those knee-high tan blobs waddle around stocking shelves. Sometimes they bumped into Ike's legs, and fuck, that never failed to amuse him.

"Good evening, Ike."

Standing on a stool behind the counter, Meta Knight gave what was a nod (or bow?) to Ike, who returned it by bending slightly at the waist. For some reason, he felt it appropriate to mimic the other's mannerisms. "Sir Meta Knight." A countdown began in his head, and true to expectation, a light weight settled on his head.

"_Poyo~_!"

"Hey, Kirby," Ike said, eyes roving toward the ceiling, even though he could not see the pink puffball seated in his hair. "Where's Dedede?"

"If we're lucky, he is _not_ in the stock room eating out our supply of potato chips," Meta Knight responded, looking from side to side suspiciously. "Perhaps I should check on him…"

In the meantime, Ike headed for the aisle of coffee and tea. Kirby continued to rest on his head. He knew exactly what coffee he liked to drink, so he swiftly tossed that brand into his cart. When he came to the tea, he stared blankly at the display. The stuff his roommate drank was sort of an amber color. He did not understand why the tea was labeled black, red, green, even white, but where was the _brownish_ tea?

"Shit," he muttered to himself. He really should have asked more questions when Marth added 'tea' to the grocery list. "Maybe this one?" He took hold of a light-brown box and turned it in his hands.

With a bounce, Kirby landed on his forearms, took the box from him, and shoved the rectangle into one wide mouth.

"What the—?" In his surprise, Ike jerked back and Kirby jumped to the ground. Staring up at him from around his ankles, Kirby waved stubby arms toward the tea display. "U-uh… Kirby, you just… ate a box." Then it dawned on him. "You ate… the _wrong_ box." That was probably Kirby's happy dance. Ike let the little thing finish before he bent over to pick up the pink blob. "You know what Marth wants?" An up-and-down wiggle. Was that confirmation? "Eh, think you can help me?" Wild waving of said stubby arms. "All right then."

At about the same time as Kirby choosing the right product, Meta Knight rounded the corner with King Dedede in tow. The latter may have been still brushing crumbs off his robe. "IKE," the rotund penguin boomed. "Shoppin' for the missus?" Dedede guffawed to himself like he was the most hilarious thing in the world.

"No?" Ike was starting to wonder if there was some detail of his life that he had missed. Did everyone get the memo but the one to whom it concerned? "It's for Marth."

"Same difference!"

The rogue box of tea jettisoned out of Kirby's mouth to knock the penguin in the face.

* * *

Marth was just leaving when he ran into the Italian plumbers and their dinosaur. It was always adorable that Yoshi would forget he had a particularly sticky tongue, and after taking a minute to unstick it from his hand, Marth pat the tail-wagger on the head and held the door open to the apartment lobby for the brothers to enter.

While Luigi headed up to wherever the trouble was, Mario paused in order to make polite conversation. "How've you been, Marth?"

"Good," Marth replied earnestly, closing the door in order to keep the alarm from sounding. He could stay a few minutes. "I haven't seen Peach in a while."

"Oh!" The plumber's mustache twitched at the sudden exclamation. "Peach wanted to—ah—ask you and Ike over for tea."

This invitation was usually extended to Marth, but it seemed out-of-the-blue to tack on Ike, so Marth asked, "How thoughtful. What's the occasion?"

"Ah, to tell you the truth," Mario began, absently adjusting his overalls, "I think she wanted to celebrate your anniversary. She said something about nearly missing it?"

"My wh—" Marth curbed the rest of his sentence because it likely would contain expletives if allowed to formulate. "Anniversary, you say?" That came out squeakier than usual. He cleared his throat and tried to look unflustered. "Really." He couldn't have forced inflection into his voice if he had tried.

"Yes, my princess is—ah—so cute!" The Italian adored his blonde wife. Marth could practically see hearts dancing in those eyes. "She will, for sure, enlist Bowser and Wario's help to clean the house. Spring cleaning, she will say! She is _very _clever."

Lips curling into a vague smile at the idea of Peach bullying those two into doing some work, Marth responded, "In December?"

"Yes. Mr. Olimar will always offer to help, you know, but he works so hard with the pikmin, you know?" Mario clicked his tongue, going quite off tangent with the conversation. "Ah, give the love of my life a call later. Yes, won't you? She will be expecting to hear from you after this afternoon."

"I shall," Marth immediately replied, being able to follow Mario's rapid train of thought. "I promise," he added dutifully, because he knew the blonde woman really _would_ spend some quality time pacing near the telephone. "I will call as soon as I'm back home."

"Great, good, wonderful!" Mario cried, grabbing Marth and quickly kissing his left and right cheek before hurrying off in the direction of Luigi. "Oh, that boy of yours. So lucky. Like me!"

As he watched the plumber disappear around the corner, Marth couldn't help but finally mutter aloud, "What?"

* * *

"Hey! Ike!" An authoritative shout came from behind him.

Turning in place, he spotted a familiar ponytailed woman crouched in the police department's driveway. She was tinkering with the Robotic Operating Buddy, and the puddle of grease that seemed to be gradually growing as he approached did not look promising.

"Ms. Aran," he stated respectfully as he came to a stop beside her half-seated form.

"None of that shit," Samus chided shortly and pointed at a component on the machine. "Grab that and twist, will you?"

Doing as he was instructed, Ike wrapped a hand as firmly as he could around the part and the blonde grasped another portion tightly. With no particular signal except the timing of Ike's movements, they pulled apart _something_ and the entire robot fell apart. A smattering of gears rolled out.

Hesitating, Ike slowly asked, "That… was supposed to happen, right?"

"Right," Samus confirmed confidently, digging deep into the open cavity to pull out more components. "Can you go grab Snake for me? Damn fucker is probably sitting warm and toasty with headphones on in there."

Upon entering, Ike found the man in question indeed sitting in the cocoon of heat by the vents. Granted, Samus was probably a little harsh about the headphones. It sure didn't look like the bearded man was listening to something like, say, dubstep. More like… some sort of police scanner?

"Hey, kid. What's up?" Snake asked, instinctively sensing his presence.

"Ms—I mean, Samus was asking for you."

"Hm," the man grunted as he pushed back and ducked under his desk. "She's probably looking for this." When he came up, he dropped a dilapidated box onto the desk. What rattled inside sounded like dozens of metal pieces.

Delivering the goods, the two men stepped back to watch the blonde work. He probably could have left, but curiosity got the better of Ike, who asked, "What is she doing?"

"Who knows, but don't be surprised if you see that thing rolling down the streets next year shooting lasers at criminals."

"Is that supposed to be… the primary function?"

"Nah, I thought it was her coffee maker for a while—"

"I can clearly hear you," Samus interrupted testily, making a rather violent motion with the wrench.

"—_and_ then I realized that was _my_ primary function," Snake finished with a mock grimace. Clapping Ike on the shoulder, the older man smirked. "But you know what I'm talking about. You've got yourself a pretty little thing at home, don't you?"

"… My goldfish?" Ike asked dumbly.

Samus laughed beneath her breath. "Don't tease the boy, Snake."

Snake's grin widened. "Sure, kid. It's got these gorgeous blue eyes and this really nice a—"

"_David!_"

"Fuck! Okay, okay," Snake grumbled, "I'll lay off."

* * *

"Whoa!" Marth side-stepped the yellow Pokémon that dashed past him. Pivoting in place, he watched the jagged tail bury itself into some bushes. Hurrying after the electric Pokémon was one of pastel-pink color. Farther away, he could barely make out the wavering distant outlines of Charizard, Ivysaur, and Squirtle with their trainer. It was hard to see them due to the harsh reflection off the lake water by the midday sun, but Marth understood that they were by the large body of water for the water Pokémon's sake. The Pokémon trainer had said something about upcoming gym battles, but Marth never quite understood what that meant.

'_Marth.'_

Heart skipping a beat from the scare, he turned to see the bipedal, canine Pokémon approaching him on the path from across the grass. "Hello, Lucario."

The Pokémon nodded at the greeting. _'You do not feel well.'_

If Marth never quite grasped the concept of what a gym battle entailed, he was even less likely to be able to describe how a Pokémon could telepathically communicate with him. However, this was how it was, and he had long given up trying to unravel the mystery of Lucario. "I… do you mean my aura?" That was the best he could do.

'_Yes. Ike troubles you.'_

Marth always knew Lucario was different, but this took the cake. Swallowing in order to buy some time, he offered up, "Not the person. An idea. But yes. About Ike." After a silent moment, Marth asked, "How… how did you know?"

Expression unreadable, Lucario peered evenly at the human. _'He feels the same.'_ That did not help, and Marth knew that he must have tensed further because the telepathic Pokémon added, _'Aura. His aura feels equally troubled.'_

"Oh, yes," Marth responded haltingly. "Thank… thank you for clarifying that."

"_Pi-ka!" _Pikachu called out in the middle of a full-on sprint back to where the two were standing. The small Pokémon took a leap, which by Marth's calculations, would land Pikachu right in his arms if he bent his knees just—"_Cha~!_" Pikachu nestled into his arms, then in a series of head and ear gestures, _pika_'d some conversation with the other Pokémon. Just another phenomenon Marth never quite understood.

'_The singer finds herself stuck,'_ was all the information Marth heard Lucario provide to him in his head before the Pokémon ambled off in an unhurried pace.

Marth glanced down when he felt Pikachu tug on the collar of his shirt. The Pokémon had pulled a strip of green cloth from who-knows-where and tied it across his forehead. Marth smiled and made an educated guess of the impersonation. "Ninja?"

Pikachu shook his head. The green ends swayed.

"… Ike?" Marth whispered, not sure if he wanted the answer. Ears standing upright like posts, Pikachu looked incredibly cheerful. Damn. "Et tu, Pikachu?"

The electric Pokémon had the gall to lick his chin. Damn it all.

* * *

He had been reading through a packet of forms at the mechanic's when a blue whirlwind burst through the doors.

Sonic glanced at Ike only long enough to nod and point to the clipboard in his gloved hand. "Sign here, please," the hedgehog requested to Falco. A second later, the blur exited the establishment.

"Anyway… uhm," the anthropomorphic falcon said, waving a wing to accentuate his point (or perhaps evoke what he had been talking about in the first place). "Shit, I forgot what I was saying."

"Me too," Ike laughed, shaking his head ruefully. "Man, that Sonic…"

Wiping grease off on a rag, Fox entered through the side doors. "Mind-blowing speed, right? Falco, did those parts for the landing gear come in?" Before his colleague could stall for time in order to answer, Fox's eyes landed on a newly arrived package on the counter. "Oh, good."

Belatedly, Falco looked in the same direction. "Yes, you see? Totally knew that was there."

"You didn't know you signed for it, did you?" Wolf popped his head through the adjacent workshop. "Fuckin' Sonic."

"Does anyone?" Falco mumbled, although all the room's occupants had to agree to some point. As the other two left to return to their original business, Falco palmed himself in the forehead. "Oh, right! Ike, you were saying something about the coolant…?"

"Oh, yeah…" Ike frowned as he organized his thoughts. "Marth said something about checking the records. The tank's new? About three years?"

"Sure, no problem. We'll figure it out and call you. You in any hurry?" Falco reassured and asked after filling out some notes so that the mechanics would know on what to focus.

"Not really. Something up?"

Falco looked slightly embarrassed. "Mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"Nah. Shoot." Ike shrugged. Falco was a cool bird. Who could say no to the guy?

"You've been together with Marth for a while, yeah?"

After a moment of speechlessness, Ike cleared his throat and answered, "Uh, I've lived with him for a while, yes."

"Awesome. So here's the question…" Falco pressed on without any evidence of noticing Ike's discomfort, "How did you _know_ he was the person you wanted to—err, you know… commit to?"

Ike was going to assume that the falcon was referring to signing a lease together and no other options, so he replied, "He seemed like a nice guy? Marth's a really responsible person."

"So…" Falco started to look rather pensive. "It wasn't this obvious moment of _He's-the-One_?"

If Ike had managed to convince his car mechanic that he had been on the same page of this conversation up until this point, it was all about to disassemble now. "Probably not?"

"You think you'll pop the question any time soon?" the bird mused, almost to himself.

"Wait, what question?_"_

* * *

"Hey, Zelda." Marth entered the two-storied bakery-café with light-hearted footsteps. He could always count on this place to brighten up his day. "Is Link around?"

"Marth!" The woman stood from where she was crouched behind a glass display of pastries. "He may be out back. Fighting. Oh, the usual…" Here Zelda heaved a long sigh and concluded simply with, "_Ganondorf._"

Murmuring a monosyllabic sound of sympathetic understanding (with both parties fully aware that this incident was guaranteed to be further explored in a later chat), Marth looked around the shop. "And Toon?"

"He's next door with the twins," Zelda answered, swiping a tired hand across her face and pushing back runaway strands that had escaped the hair-tie. "I'm a mess. Sit, sit. I'll be there in a second."

When his friend cited a second, Marth really knew she meant five to ten minutes. Chalk it up to experience. In this time frame, he chose a seat and entertained himself by listening to the muffled sounds out back, most notably the rising and falling of voices and slamming of doors.

True to form, in about three minutes, Link was stumbling through the doors of the kitchen. "Man, I am _so_ happy to see you right now."

"Are you—"

"I'm fine!" Link jovially answered, bustling behind the counter to gather the appropriate accessories for tea. Without his normal serving finesse, the blond slid the full pot and empty cups across Marth's table.

"Mistreatment!" Zelda called from somewhere in the kitchen.

"Shit," Link muttered and then pressed his hand against his mouth, remembering the woman had very sharp hearing. "I meant, oopsie-daisy. Actually, no, I meant _shit._"

Laughing, Marth rotated one of the cups just so that he could do something with his hands. "I need some advice."

"Oh?" The blond sat up attentively, the perfect model of a good student. "Wait, Zel should be here for this."

"Done and done." The woman dropped into the third vacant seat around the table, looking alert and fingers still rapidly plaiting her hair into a neat braid. "Go."

"My anniversary," Marth said, leaving the sentence wide open for interpretation.

Raising a hand high, Zelda blurted out, "June 4th!" while Link made a random shot in the dark with, "New Year's Eve?"

"And _that_ is the problem." Marth huffed in frustration.

"You can't remember your anniversary?" Zelda gasped. "No wonder you're distraught!"

Link looked atypically concerned. "I usually can't bring myself to feel bad for Ike, but I honestly kind of feel bad for him right now…"

"Can you two _please_ explain to me what is going on?"

* * *

When Marth walked through the front door, Ike was flipping through television programming without any particular channel in mind. As Marth removed and lined his shoes neatly by the door, Ike debated the pros and cons of leaving the television on. Using it as an excuse to avoid talking to Marth was so far the best plan he had.

"Ike."

Here it came. Ike could feel his palms go sweaty. He tried to wipe them discreetly by pulling at the hem of his shirt. "Yes?"

"Are we dating?" Marth asked in a very dubious tone as he approached the couch.

Throat tight, Ike could only attribute this pressure in his chest to some medical abnormality. Oh, god, he was going to die? Now? Maybe he was okay with that. "Not…" He cleared his throat noisily. His voice usually didn't go up like that. "Not that I know of?"

"That's what I thought," Marth stated, dropping rather unceremoniously next to Ike, although he sat about a cushion away. Too close for this conversation and much too far if they were actually romantically involved. "And we don't have an anniversary coming up?" the shorter man questioned with the same unperturbed tone.

"I… hope not?" Ike replied. "Not… I mean it in… if we _did_, I would hope I didn't forget it."

With a faint smile, Marth scooted slightly closer. "That's nice of you." After suffering through enough silence for another three dozen heart palpitations (at least for Ike), Marth said, "One last question."

"Sure." They had about half a foot between them and Ike was starting to really worry about the likelihood that an aneurysm was forming in his brain right this second.

"If we were sleeping with each other, you would let me know, right?" Marth inquired with equal parts of sincerity, solemnity, and something else that Ike could not identify.

"Only…" All that nervous energy somehow translated into a strangely pitched laugh that Ike failed to hold back. "Only if you let me know too."

Marth's smile looked a bit different, but nevertheless, the shorter man turned slightly, knees knocking into Ike's, and with one hand steadying the other's face, pressed a slow, deliberate kiss onto Ike's cheek. "Good to know."

With that, Marth brushed himself off, rose from the couch, and stretched languidly. Ike wasn't sure if his mind had already shut down or if it was in the process of rebooting as his eyesight made a bee-line to the strip of naked hip that appeared from the movement.

Ike sat there frozen even after the other had left the living room.

After about twenty minutes, he rocked himself to his feet and went to find Marth.

"I think I need to tell you something," he said at the doorway of the other's bedroom.

Marth glanced up at him from the desk. "What would that be?"

"We're dating, today's our anniversary, and we can start sleeping with each other any day you want."

* * *

_**-fin-**_

* * *

_**Author's Notes:**__ Did you catch all the IkeMarth fanfiction references of 2013? Can you find the one from 2010? ;)_

_(1) __Whispers in the Dark__ by Draconis Kitten Sweetie_

_(2) __A Smash Morning__ by FyeHalfmoon_

_(3) __Waiter__ by Psychic Prince_

_(4) __Circumstantially__ by Sekiun_

_(5) __Other Side of the Woods__ by StarlitHorizons_

_(6) __Unfitting for a Prince__ by missmocha77_

_(7) __Me gustas__ by Histeria_

_(8) __They Know Best__ by TsubasaWoDaite_


End file.
